Mating Read online

  So sorry, he murmured. I could feel him punching the reset button.

  Then, Um, did I think there was anything to the stories that the South Africans were bribing certain Kwena chiefs to get them interested in joining up with the five million Kwenas the Boers already controlled through their thug Mangope across the border in Bophuthatswana, thusly threatening to partition and wreck Botswana for being so uncooperative? Mangope’s agents were working everywhere. I am summarizing. Halfway through this I started finishing his sentences for him. I read the Economist too, I said. But I didn’t need to read the Economist to know about Mangope. I reprised how serious I was about forgetting the whole thing, how embarrassed I was that I had ever said anything, especially if this was the outcome.

  Next I got a disorganized series of asides, essentially, to the effect that I was really a rather terrifying person and did I know that? I seemed to be a sort of monster who remembered everything—an allusion to something that happened rather often where I would quote him to himself if the situation called for it. Did I also remember lines of text, as I seemed to? But then I was also an angel. I was saying all was forgiven, but I was not projecting that. It was pro forma. He was no fool.

  I briefly considered showing him I could tell him a thing or two myself. I knew from my time in Keteng that the South Africans had spies and stooges absolutely everywhere and were behind the big abrupt movement among the Herero to go back to Namibia and take their cattle with them. They had come over with nothing after the German massacres in 1905, and they had built up their herds from scratch, being genius cattle raisers. The government was saying begone but leave your herds. But this kind of thing is what the Boers do for fun. There’s nothing surprising about it. They are breeders of strife. But I held myself in because I could tell by his expression that something new was impending.

  Sekopololo

  Well, he could pass on something he would wager I hadn’t heard of. Possibly this would come under the heading of scandal. Someone rather famous was in Botswana incognito, so to speak, and had been—off and on, but now on—for some years, eight to be precise. He paused to see if this was going to be old news again and was relieved when it was clear I had no idea what he was talking about, unless he meant Elizabeth Taylor and her putative hospital project, which would have been completely risible.

  I wasn’t to think that this was by any manner of means an official secret. It was more a gentlemen’s agreement among people who had to know about this person’s presence. This person had exacted highly unusual conditions from the government of Botswana, outrageous conditions, in setting up his project, which was what he was doing in Botswana, something very avant-garde, supposedly very major and massive, a whole new village built from the ground up, in point of fact, somewhere in the north central Kalahari. Clearly he hated whoever this was. Did I still not know? He was surprised.

  Go on, I said.

  Well, what else could he add? He considered. This was an American, a difficult individual, and there was division in government vis-à-vis all the latitude granted him, particularly in the matter of oversight. His idea was that evaluators and visitors were parasites whose only function was to deform and corrupt the development process. Some unspecified day this New Jerusalem would be complete and only then would the world, including the donors who had financed it, be allowed to see what they had wrought and carry back the secret word that would put paid to poverty in Africa. There was even a Tswana code name for the project, which was Sekopololo, which no one could pronounce. I knew that Sekopololo translated as “The Key.”

  When he said Nelson Denoon I could hardly believe it. Denoon was a bête noire of mine, in an abstract way, from the first of my endless years at Stanford. Initially I associated him with earlier tribulations at Bemidji State, but that was wrong. I had been tantamount to a fan of this man’s work. There were several of us. He had come to Stanford to run a colloquy on the etiology of poverty. Too bad, it was restricted to faculty and a select few students. You had to have passed your quals and or you had to know somebody. You could get in if somebody liked you. When we were noninvited we even went so far as to appeal to him directly via a fanlike note. No reply. Naturally afterward all the attendees reported a truly scrotum-tightening experience. Their worldviews had changed. One woman couldn’t get over his voice. It was a voice you could eat, she said.

  It all came back, the bathos of trying to be nonchalant about trying and failing to get at least a glimpse of the great man. He had written a classic that undergraduates loved and most of the professoriat hated: Development as the Death of Villages, with its jacket portrait of someone reminiscent of the white actors they use to play the Indian chief’s headstrong eldest son in westerns. You couldn’t tell in the photograph because it was full face, but he had his sleek black hair in an actual ponytail. He was wearing it that way when he came to Stanford, as I learned from one of my female colleagues who attended the audience and whose name I forget but whom I think of for some reason as Whoreen, which is close. Whoreen is at the University of South Dakota, but on tenure track. Colleague is of course a misnomer: you only have colleagues once you get hired. As of early 1981, Denoon would be mid–late forties, I calculated.

  So it was none other than Nelson Denoon! He was so famously sardonic! So heretical! He was so interdisciplinary! Economics, anthropology, economic anthropology, you name it in the policy sciences, not to mention development proper and being in actual charge of a sequence of famous rural development projects in Africa! In fact, he was supposed to be in Tanzania at that very moment or until just recently and arguing with Julius Nyerere, or was I out of date or was he just everywhere?

  Here was someone at the level of Paulo Freire or Ivan Illich, but nonreligious, totally, therefore not dismissable as a mystic. Here was the ultimate beneficiary of the academic star system and a star himself, who was somehow against it and reviled it at all times, which only made him more of a star, more in demand, more invited to conferences, always a panelist, never a rapporteur. Here was the acme of what you could get out of academia: teach where you like, get visiting fellowships and lectureships, grants, get quoted, jet around, rusticate a few years in the bush if you felt like it. This is how I saw him. I remembered that in fact I knew he had left Tanzania after—what else?—a famous harangue against the revered head of a sovereign country that was the left’s darling, a polemic that—what else?—had been published in hard covers, something that was essentially a pamphlet. Which had been met with the most pleasant eruptions of praise and rage, per usual.

  He was at the pinnacle of whatever vineyard I was laboring in as a groundling. I’m not proud of the vibration the image I had of him created in me. It was a textbook example of ressentiment. I was thirty-two and a woman and no doctorate yet, no thesis even, and closing in on my thesis deadline. I had been working my tits down to nubs in the study of man, with the result that my goals were receding farther the faster I ran. So it seemed.

  Z sensed he had something I wanted more on. He was acute. I was so labile it was ridiculous. It would be about as hard to read me as being in the kitchen and noticing when the compressor went on in the refrigerator.

  Did I know the party, then?

  Only by reputation, I said. What else could he tell me?

  Now he was cagey. He was adamant that he had no idea where the project was, exactly. That was very closely held. But he held out the faint possibility that in a pinch he could find out. Ho hum, I thought: for a consideration, he means, and what might that be?

  I was having the berserk and faintly triumphant feeling of having cornered Denoon, just because we both happened to be in Botswana. This was not absolutely stupid, because for the white presence Botswana is like one big very dispersed small town. There are only a million people all told, black and white together, in a country the size of Texas or France, as the intro paragraph of every project proposal on Botswana reads. But Denoon’s being there felt like providence. I was certain I could get his attentio
n this time. A king can look at a cat for a change, I thought. This shooting star had apparently been sedentarized in my bailiwick—so, good. I wanted to see him in the flesh, see how he was holding up. Was he the same black Irish kindly Satan persona with hair like a Sioux, black as night, dispensing piercing glances left and right, or not?

  People felt so strongly about him. When he was the topic of conversation you got sick of hearing the cliché that either you hated his positions or you loved them, there was no middle ground with him. Friendships had broken up over his book. The development business is full of suppressed hatred between schools of thought, and the passion arises because money is involved. Developmentalists are competing tooth and nail for project money to enact their theories someplace. This is the only way to know you’re on top. It isn’t like English History, say, where the prize is getting into every bibliography until the end of time because what you figured out about Tudor statecraft subsumes and overturns everything anybody else wrote, up until you. Development is more like research medicine, where you rise and fall according to the grants you rack up. In regular scholarship what you get is the joy of subsuming your predecessors and peers: they thought they were rivers but you turn them into creeks, tributaries to your majestic seaward flow. And Denoon not only pierced competitive theories on paper, he did live projects, lots of them one after another.

  Anthropologists were particularly conflicted about Denoon because of his celebrated scorn for the field as a whole. But anthropology needs development and gets dragged perforce into taking sides on schools of thought or on projects. There is hiring involved. You need feasibility studies, you need sensitivity monitoring, you need impact evaluation, you need retrospectives of various kinds and degrees of thoroughness. For some reason he had basically a left academic constituency, which was odd because he was notorious for taking the position that marxists had no development theory worth the name: from Lenin onward development was just whatever took place after the spokesmen for the proletariat took power. But still they loved him. How did they like his famous Capitalism is strangling black Africa: Socialism will bury her! I wondered. He was the theorist you hate to love. I had to know how he was doing. Was he still the equivalent in development terms of Orson Welles in the movie world when he was at his zenith between Citizen Kane and The Magnificent Ambersons? Had he slipped at all, since we all slip? I wanted to see him in the flesh.

  Tell me at least if he’s married, I said to Z. He had been, the last I’d heard. I couldn’t help it. Eminence is not the best medium for marriages, is what I was thinking.

  I can tell you something about that another time, Z said. It’s an interesting question. I would say yes and no. It’s an interesting story. But there was the question of our um prognosis.

  I was slightly unforthcoming.

  Well, there was more he could tell me, possibly. Denoon kept his movements in Botswana, when he was offsite, very private. But he thought Denoon was about to be in town for a short while. Z might be able to find out more about that too.

  He had me and knew it.

  Could we not just go on seeing each other for a time, at a pace of say once a week, since I had gotten him well over the hump with his back? It’s your hands I’m going to miss eternally when you leave, he said, your marvelous hands, your great gift.

  Another choppy night ensued after he left me alone with my new fixation. I slept minimally, then got up and cleaned the premises and wrote another lying letter to my mother.

  THE SOLAR DEMOCRAT

  A Fête Worse Than Death

  I was wound up when I met Denoon. The night was muggy, with freak intermittent blasts and lurches of hot wind, which was fine somehow when I was walking over to the reception with Z but nerve-wracking during the aeon we had to wait in a mob outside the locked gates of the house we were invited to. The hosts who were keeping us in the street were the USAID mission director Arthur Bemis and his wife, Ariel. Apparently we were waiting for the receiving line to complete itself.

  Just getting into the AID director’s house was considered a coup, because of the decor. People said it was like being in Asia. From the street the place looked Moorish: there were high pink perimeter walls, polychrome tiles outlining the arch around the locked gates, palm fronds visible lashing back and forth above the walls. There was a huge attendance, half of it Batswana out of the state bourgeoisie. We were very dressy. Z was wearing an actual cummerbund, my first. I was wearing a black skirt with kick pleats and a tank top, also black. I needed a full skirt at that point in time. Cursing was going on in several languages as women hunched and swiveled in the wind while their coiffures came to pieces. We couldn’t see Denoon in the line, which prompted Z to tell me again that it was only a rumor that he would be there at all.

  We were let into the grounds but not yet into the house. The walls were no help when it came to the wind. The grounds had a very lunar feeling. Floodlights cast a bleaching glare over everything, and the estate lights dotted about the grounds were so fierce they left afterimages. You had to watch where you looked. Wife Ariel was the leading malcontent in the American community. The watering restrictions that came with the drought had been the last straw for her, and she had had all her lawns scraped up and replaced with beds of white pebbles imported from South Africa. I have removed the brownsward, she is supposed to have announced. There was a paucity of chairs, and the ones there were were metal and forbidding, unpadded. Ariel was identified with Asia, where they had been posted repeatedly. In the receiving line she was easily your most unforgettable character. She was perfect for the electric-blue Chinese silk sheath she was wearing, being anorectic. She was sharp-featured and made you feel she had been shanghaied to Africa but was making the best of it. When he got up to Ariel, Z looked as though he feared he had gotten it wrong and this was perhaps a costume party.

  Bemis was a big soft bankerly man reputed to be very shrewd, which was possibly true because his eyes were everywhere. He and Ariel were in their early sixties. There was some jagged non-Western music coming over the public address system, maybe from a field recording of a gamelan orchestra. Anyway it was vintage and scratchy. Z said there was feeling against Ariel across the board for underentertaining. She would put off entertaining for long intervals and then try to catch up, with mammoth and unsatisfactory events like the one we were at. Word came that we would be outside awhile longer because they were running late with the buffet, which was going to be authentic oriental treats that all had to be done at the same time. We were starving. Wife Ariel was also, Z said, renowned for small portions. He predicted what we were likely to get: jellyfish entrails—a joculism for cellophane noodles—in tiny bowls of acrid broth with leaf shreds floating, and pebbles of meat called saté, in a searing sauce. The saté would get between your teeth. He had toothpicks with him and handed me some proleptically. Z had a fixed bridge of not the greatest quality. There was plenty to drink. The occasion was in honor of the corps of district commissioners, who were in town for a pep talk on the Tribal Grazing Lands Policy. Z said Denoon had been ordered not to say anything on TGLP under any circumstances in public. It figured that he would be against it since it was only the single most important ingredient in the whole land tenure reform exercise the government was committed to.

  It became the kind of scene that makes you want to be a writer so you can capture a transient unique form of social agony being undergone by people who have it made in every way, the observer excepted. The bouts of wind continued. Z turned out to be right about the saté, but it appeared during the appetizer phase. Emissaries came out with salvers of skewers of it but never made it to our neck of the woods. Where are these treats? a Motswana said plaintively. Overhead there were strings of paper lanterns with real candles in them, a poor idea because the lanterns were jerking around and spilling hot wax on selected prominent people. We joined a move to get into a pergola that had been erected on a platform over a drained swimming pool. AID directors are forbidden to live in houses with funct
ioning swimming pools. Had this thing been constructed for this number of people? I wondered, thinking I could feel the floorboards yielding. I got out. I pulled Z back out into the teeth of the gale with me.

  Everything was adding to the mad hatter tenor of events. In every collation of at least two hundred Brits there will be several people with hysterical surnames. I think this is the result of coming from a culture which has yet to wake up to the fact that it’s a thinkable thing to do to go down to the name-changing bureau and rid you and your offspring of these embarrassments. Or possibly they don’t do it just because Americans do, when they notice that people start falling about laughing when they introduce themselves. Anyway, they were all there: Mr. Hailstones, Mr. Swinerod, I. Denzil Quorme, Mr. Leatherhead, and a plump couple, the Tittings. Anyway, there we were with all the Brits with ludic names all in one enclosure. The feeling of being under guard was enhanced by the presence of lots of actual guards, Waygards in specially cleaned maroon uniforms, spaced like caryatids around the edges of the incipient riot we were becoming. I had to get myself under control. I kept thinking This is the world created for us by grown men, n’est-ce pas? This was the human comedy. I warned myself that a perfect way to go wrong in the real world is to assume that because someone looks like a fool he or she is unintelligent. Someone at this point turned up the PA so that the authenticity of the thing we were hearing would be more unmistakable. Expectations were raised when Ariel seemed to be running for the house. The receiving line had dissolved. But then she was among us frantically on another matter, finding her pet, her dog.

  Why would Denoon attend a carnival like this, with not an underdog in sight?

  Finally somebody relented and opened the house up. It was all true about the splendor within. Welcome to Macao, somebody to my right murmured. I was staggered by the furnishings and what it must be costing the government to ship them from one end of the earth to the other, because these were massive articles like teak chests, lacquer screens, bronzes, a vast gong, celadon vases. The food was along the lines Z had posited. I ate as I scanned every room in the place, trying to look desultory. Ariel was ubiquitous, cringing on behalf of her possessions when anyone got too close to one of them. I utilized Z to monitor the late arrivals outside, which he was sweet about despite the wind comedy problem. I said to him Explain something to me: this is the second most important representative of the United States in this country, after the ambassador. What does this place say? Suppose you went to the Chinese embassy and it turned out to be a replica of an American log cabin circa 1830? You’d be flummoxed. Is everything ultimately a camp experience, is that the message? I asked him. There was no sign of Denoon.